COMMERCIALS

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS BLOG ARE THOSE SOLELY OF KEVIN KEEFE. SOME OF THE SHOW MEMBERS WHO STILL WORK IN COMMERCIAL RADIO WOULD LIKE TO SAVE OUR JOBS AND MAKE THIS CLEAR. GO AHEAD, KEVIN…

So in addition to TV I would like to talk about other things you can see on TV the happiest fun little blurbs made by people who spend millions to HOPE you see them, that’s right commercials!

I used to love a great and clever commercial. Bud Light (although proud sponsor of Walk Up Radio has in no way influenced this blog post) is kind of notorious for hilarious commercials and being trend setters. Then there’s Heineken commercials, like the one where the guys have “The Beer Closet”… priceless.

But lately it seems like all the really fun cool commercials are being cast aside for the cheesy horribly made “local guy” commercials.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Alexander and Catalano have a commercial where it looks like you’re staring into a pointillist painting and the image is very fuzzy, but after a moment…ah, yes…it becomes clear. It’s the fucking ugly mug of one of those ambulance chasing assholes.

My point being that you spend the ENTIRE commercial trying to figure out what the fuck you’re even looking at and then by the time it says “Alexander & Catalano” on the screen, you don’t give a fuck!

Even better than those fuckwads is Joe Stanley. All I can think of when I see that dude is the guy who brings “The Universe” to the little diamond dealer in “Men In Black”. Ya know, the dude with the monster melon?

So he has a commercial I feel like I see every 10 seconds and the announcer gives an example like…”So Joe, this couple had a car accident, what should they do?” And his response is “It could be any number of things, like this couple who had a car accident and didn’t know what to do…” Now go back and re-read that.

Finish the fucking story about the first couple! It’s just shit like this that pisses me off! If you’re going to produce a shitty ass local commercial for $11 at least make it so it makes fucking sense!

So you may be asking yourself, Kevin, it’s not just lawyers right? NO. Kevin Fear is my absolute favorite example of a douchebag just phoning it in. His commercials cost about $8 to produce and $100 to run, that’s a bad ratio. They always show his fat bearded ass, something NO ONE wants to see and he’s on some green screen flying through space or some retarded shit. I saw a commercial once where he was advertising the Blackberry line up of phones available at his stores. He had pictures of the different devices and they were labeled wrong. He had “Storm” in from of the Curve and “Cruve” in front of the Pearl and so on. Dude, you’re spending thousands of dollars to run the shit, you don’t have fucking spell check?

It has just occurred to me that if you live outside of the Syracuse area you may not be familiar with the names given in this blog… but come on, you can fill in the fucking blank anywhere you go with idiots like this.